"You are the light of the world, A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14
I can admit it. This past week has been one of the hardest weeks I've had in a long time...I've thought about dropping out of college, changing my major (even though I know I'm called to be a teacher), I thought about giving up on everything and every opportunity in my life. My absolute main goal in life is to A) have a healthy happy family and B)to help children..I dream to one day open an orphanage and home school my kids, to make them a better living in a third world country.
I never thought I would be one to even think about throwing in the towel on all of my hopes and dreams in life, but this week, I was so close. I had it all set up, I wasn't gonna go back to college. I was going to change my major to business administration, transfer to a tech school and become an event planner.. and for the rest of my life, I can assure you, I would have regretted it.
I'm depressed. That's what it is. I went to Winona last semester, and this semester transferred to UWL. All of my friends (old and new) went back to Winona, and I, I was left here. Now while there are many reasons that I came back to LaCrosse, part of me is still in Winona, with my girls. But physically, I'm here. My best friend and I have planned to live together since the second grade, and guess what? She's in Winona.
After a long conversation with my dad (the only person I felt I could turn to), he reassured me that everything will be okay. If I don't become a certified teacher, my dreams of homeschooling my orphan kids, won't come true <3. If I don't go to college now, when will I? I need to do something for myself and this, this is it. K-12 education major, here I come. Minor in child advocacy? Sounds perfect. Volunteer like I've always wanted to? Why not?! Get a job? okay.
If it crosses your mind at all, a prayer or two would be nice, 'cause I don't know what else to turn to at this point. <3
I am slowly coming back around, but this time...it's hard and I don't understand why. Something got in my head, and I'm not so scared of my future. I might not know what's going on in Christine world....but I know that eventually..it'll all come together. And my future, it'll be what I make it.
So, here's to moving forward. Here's to stepping on the edge even though I'm so scared. Here's to moving on with my life and doing something for me.
