"You are the light of the world, A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14
    

       Lately, i've been thinking about a close friend of mine that passed away. Audra Bena, the nicest, most sincere girl a person could ever meet. Summer going into my freshman year in highschool, we all found out that she had a brain tumor right on her brain stem, making it impossible for them to do surgery. We kept her in our prayers and she fought a strong fight for two years. July 11, 2010..Audra stepped into heaven, and ever since she's been smiling down on us. :)
   I remember when i found out that she passed. I was sitting in church, and my best friend texted me..she knew i had church..why did she text me? It must have been important, so I looked at my phone to read "Ohmygod Christine, I need  you. Audra passed away last night." I ran out of the sanctuary and into the bathroom where i fell, right into a beautiful ladies arms. (Judith<3) That was one of the hardest things of my liife. Ushers were sent into the sanctuary to get my mom, all they told her was..'your daughter needs you, shes in the bathroom.' my mom rushed in to find me crying on a chair..she cried and we shared tears.
     The wake and the funeral were next. Oh boy, i was doing okay until i hugged Mrs.Bena. Then, i lost it. Loosing a friend isnt easy, well..loosing anyone isnt easy..but yes, it does happen. The funeral came and i was sitting by the closest people in my liife. Crying, confused, and frustrated...we all held eath other close and supported one another.
     Not a day goes by that I dont think about Audra, and the huge impact she left on all of us <3

   This blog isnt about everything that happened, it was a huge learning expierience for me. When i found out she passed away, i got mad..(excuse my french) i was pissed. Not at my family, friends, not at anyone here...i was mad at God. For about a month i blamed him for her passing away. Why would he take such a sweet innocent girl? I didnt go to church as much, i thought of every excuse to stay home.. all i wanted to do was be mad and not talk to anyone. So, that's what i did.
  Being alone, mad, and sad....for too long leads to depression. And wow, did it hit me. I cried myself to sleep, i'd talk to my parents...and get mad for no reason, leave the room and not come back all night. Finally, one day..my mom pulled me aside and asked what was up. I told her everything. Why would God take Audra? Why, out of all people, would he choose her? Did he need another angel? I was obviously confused.
   I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10
   God doesn't take people's lives, he wants us all to be healthy and live for him every day of our lives. Sure, people die, but God didnt just decide, 'Oh i'll make you have cancer, and you will die.' uhmm..no? lol The DEVIL comes to kill steal and destroy. When my mom showed me that verse, i realized...i shouldnt be mad at God? I should be mad at the devil.
   After repenting and asking for forgiveness, i started going to church and involving myself again. I still think about her and love her and miss her, but now...im not AS upset. She's free of pain, suffering, crying and fighting..for all i know she's with horses running in fields just like she loved to do here.
Never blame God for bad things that happen to you, it's not Him who made it happen to you.

  I love you all. You're all beautiful, and you mean the world to someone out there. :)