"You are the light of the world, A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14
I can admit it. This past week has been one of the hardest weeks I've had in a long time...I've thought about dropping out of college, changing my major (even though I know I'm called to be a teacher), I thought about giving up on everything and every opportunity in my life. My absolute main goal in life is to A) have a healthy happy family and B)to help children..I dream to one day open an orphanage and home school my kids, to make them a better living in a third world country.
I never thought I would be one to even think about throwing in the towel on all of my hopes and dreams in life, but this week, I was so close. I had it all set up, I wasn't gonna go back to college. I was going to change my major to business administration, transfer to a tech school and become an event planner.. and for the rest of my life, I can assure you, I would have regretted it.
I'm depressed. That's what it is. I went to Winona last semester, and this semester transferred to UWL. All of my friends (old and new) went back to Winona, and I, I was left here. Now while there are many reasons that I came back to LaCrosse, part of me is still in Winona, with my girls. But physically, I'm here. My best friend and I have planned to live together since the second grade, and guess what? She's in Winona.
After a long conversation with my dad (the only person I felt I could turn to), he reassured me that everything will be okay. If I don't become a certified teacher, my dreams of homeschooling my orphan kids, won't come true <3. If I don't go to college now, when will I? I need to do something for myself and this, this is it. K-12 education major, here I come. Minor in child advocacy? Sounds perfect. Volunteer like I've always wanted to? Why not?! Get a job? okay.
If it crosses your mind at all, a prayer or two would be nice, 'cause I don't know what else to turn to at this point. <3
I am slowly coming back around, but this time...it's hard and I don't understand why. Something got in my head, and I'm not so scared of my future. I might not know what's going on in Christine world....but I know that eventually..it'll all come together. And my future, it'll be what I make it.
So, here's to moving forward. Here's to stepping on the edge even though I'm so scared. Here's to moving on with my life and doing something for me.
Christine! I love you so much girl! If you ever need a talk, feel free to give me a call. I went through some of these same struggles and as someone who did leave school (though not for the same reasons) I can provide you with the insights that I have and with what it has cost me. Though I am in a good place now, I struggled a lot, and it took me few years to be happy again.
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